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2006 Tennis-X Blogging Contest

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Postby tangerine on Thu Mar 23, 2006 6:15 pm

LOVE_FEDERER wrote:
I thought that it would be interesting to note that each of these people who are blogging on this thread all joined Tennis-X this week. Coincidence?

All the texts read like the same person wrote them. Coincidence?

They are also all badly written with extreme bias.

Perfect for tennis-x!
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Postby consafos on Thu Mar 23, 2006 6:32 pm

tangerine wrote:They are also all badly written with extreme bias.

Perfect for tennis-x!


Since you have 70+ posts I'm assuming you're including yourself as a fellow bad writer with extreme bias. I mean, you wouldn't be coming here just to point fingers at all us special kids, right?
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Postby setpoint on Thu Mar 23, 2006 7:32 pm

tangerine wrote:
LOVE_FEDERER wrote:
I thought that it would be interesting to note that each of these people who are blogging on this thread all joined Tennis-X this week. Coincidence?

All the texts read like the same person wrote them. Coincidence?

They are also all badly written with extreme bias.

Perfect for tennis-x!


Oh, and your Roddickwatch Blog is an example of fantastic--no, near Shakespearean-- quality writing.

Put your money where your mouth is. Let's see you do better.
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Postby jaypatrick on Thu Mar 23, 2006 10:26 pm

For my initial blog with Tennis-X,
I decided to pen an Indian Wells ditty,
In hopes that this will at least stand out,
from the other recaps that are sh---y (you know who you are!).

We’ll start things off with the absence of Serena.
Her career is falling off the ledge.
Her luggage didn’t make the trip,
with all her other excess baggage.

If the airlines would have cooperated,
Serena could have gone,
But how was she supposed to know,
that her ass would count as a second carry-on?

Robby Ginepri, where’d you go?
Are you back with Minnie Driver?
Or have you moved on to classier dames?
Like shopping with Winona Ryder? (I think your Under Armour apparel is safe from her)

Mopey Lindsay with your bulging disk,
where’s your motivation hiding?
Your uterus will still be there next year,
but right now your ranking is definitely sliding.

Another early loss for Andy Roddick,
whose career is less than scalding.
And to add premature insult to premature injury,
we all know what that shaved head is hiding.

At least he might be dating Maria,
who won the whole damn tourney.
But good luck getting past the hypnotic stare,
Of the creepy, ubiquitous Yuri.

Dementieva, your thighs are touching!
Easy on the creatine.
The Mary Pierce diet is not for you,
so go back to being lean.

Get a coach that’s not your mom,
And call me in the morning,
Before you’re pushing 180 pounds,
Consider this your warning.


James Blake is finally looking good,
But I’ll wait to see if he’s consistent.
He’s still a couple of first-round losses away
From a practice date with Taylor Dent.

Even though Roger dominates the men,
he’s afraid of a (former) WTA player beating.
Cause winning is the only way he can afford,
to keep his hungry Mirka eating.

She’ll crack his skinny arms in two,
with a plop upon the love seat.
And that will teach him for trying to grab
her extra piece of crab meat.

So Roger won and seems invincible.
Maria’s back, we’ll see who can stop her.
But the wait is short for Nasdaq time
and more Cliff “PMac’sâ€
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where'd you get your inspiration?

Postby tds2711 on Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:31 pm

craig p: no you are not the only one, peter bodo wrote a blog all about james blake being mr. nice the other day. http://66.232.148.140/blogs/tennisworld ... TRY_ID=842
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Postby ccm on Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:33 pm

yeah, i'm officially bored with plumping mirka jokes. and i think you gotta limit the female targeted fat jokes to one per piece cos otherwise you're coming off all richard krajicek.

but. . .
And to add premature insult to premature injury,
we all know what that shaved head is hiding.

ok. . . lol on that line.
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Postby Kevin on Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:05 am

ccm wrote:yeah, i'm officially bored with plumping mirka jokes.

Agreed, even though I've been wicked guilty of these myself in the past. It's a dead horse. Besides, she looks leaner now, anyhow.

but. . .
And to add premature insult to premature injury,
we all know what that shaved head is hiding.

ok. . . lol on that line.[/quote]
I don't get it?
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Postby ccm on Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:13 am

^^^
implying he's working a blake/agassi move and pulling the buzz to camo some early recession. (least that's how i took it. i must be right, being the "queen ant" and all.)
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Postby Kevin on Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:22 am

ccm wrote:^^^
implying he's working a blake/agassi move and pulling the buzz to camo some early recession. (least that's how i took it. i must be right, being the "queen ant" and all.)
Ahhhh, okay. Blake and Roddick had me fooled, actually. I had no idea.
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Postby jaypatrick on Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:48 am

That will teach me to write late at night. I didn't realize I had depended so much on fatness. Replace Serena with Taylor Dent though. I stand behind Mirka-it just doesn't work if I use Marion Bartoli. This is why Tyra Banks went undercover in a fat suit! We are all weight obsessed.
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Re: Submission #1, CraigP

Postby Karlos on Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:55 am

CraigP wrote:The Search for the Baseline, a Bad Ass, and a Bar of Soap: Ten Lessons Learned from Indian Wells

1. Nearly two years after suffering a broken neck that threatened to end his career, Blake bested the likes of Nadal and a resurgent Tommy Haas to earn a spot in the final. He may have proved he belongs in the upper echelon of the ATP. That being said, am I the only one who would like to see Blake, at least for a flickering moment, stop being Mr. Nice Guy and start being Mr. Bad Ass?

CraigP


WOW...something on the "X" that's focuses on-court, instead of off. Sweet. But I doubt we'll be seeing James in Richard Roundtree style leathers anytime soon.
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Postby BeerMe on Fri Mar 24, 2006 9:47 am

this is getting pretty good, that poem was pretty sweet, that dude is think out of the box, putting people on notice, vince spadea style, except it was good.
"Leela: Your face can take a lot of punishment. That’s good to know.
Fry: There’s a lot about my face you don’t know."
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Daniel Stern Post #2: No More Just Whistling

Postby DStern127 on Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:00 pm

No More Just Whistling

In many professional sports, fans cursing from the stands like they have been personally wronged by malicious morons ("The Refs") is as normal as seeing Mark Phillippoussis apply for yet another wildcard or Rafael Nadal pluck at his clam digger's crannies.

You know who I mean -- the Dodgers' faithful chewing his own wad of smokeless tobacco, spitting it at the home plate umpire in disgust of miscalled strikes; or the die hard Knicks fan sitting courtside, stalking the 50-somthing year old ref with life-threatening trash talk for missing a travel call.

On the contrary, tennis fans don't even weigh in on the "scale de raucous." Sure, tennis doesn't draw the same mixed bag of fans as other spectator sports, but wouldn't it be great if once in a while these racquet fans made a racket and scooped in a little rocky road to add to their constant plain vanilla?

Most matches go by with limited fan noise, and the umpires' constant reminder of "quiet please" only further halts would-be outbursts. Whistles, are all it seems tennis fans can muster up to show they're pissed.

At Wimbledon, a common fan interaction would go something like this...

Fan A turns to hat-wearing Fan B and in an inside voice says, "What rubbish! I don't suppose they'll inquire about removing that linesperson for such bloody bad calls?" But then Fan B shrugs her shoulders, adjusts her hat, and continues sipping her Pimms.

At the U.S. Open, fans certainly increase the volume (mostly for great play, night matches, and underdogs fighting back), but they're more likely to be heard cursing at the price of food than at the officiating. So fans shake their heads, keep puckering their lips and whistling -- whistling to say, "I know there is nothing I can do about it, but BOO! anyway."

NEWSFLASH: Pucker and Blow (whistling you dirty minds you) has been replaced with Scream, Curse, Persuade, CHALLENGE, Watch, and Cheer (HawkEye Technology). Picture it now -- fifth sets, tie-breakers, long deuce games, break points, really any close call at an important time. Whistling -- worthless! Hollering, heckling, HawkEye -- Hell Yea!
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Re: Daniel Stern Post #2: No More Just Whistling

Postby Karlos on Fri Mar 24, 2006 3:18 pm

DStern127 wrote:No More Just Whistling

On the contrary, tennis fans don't even weigh in on the "scale de raucous." Sure, tennis doesn't draw the same mixed bag of fans as other spectator sports, but wouldn't it be great if once in a while these racquet fans made a racket and scooped in a little rocky road to add to their constant plain vanilla?


ah....chanting Cypriots, anyone?
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Postby passingshots on Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:28 pm

The ESPN Classic Indian Wells Highlight Show...Didn't You See It?

Cliff Drysdale: Warm welcome everyone…Cliff Drysdale here, Patrick McEnroe along side. You’re watching the special ESPN2 Pacific Life Open at Indian Wells highlight show. We’ve got—uh, beg your pardon, folks—we’ve just been notified by our producers that ESPN2 is now going to show the NCAA women’s basketball tournament, which is also showing on ESPN. And coming up after that is The World Trick-Shot Billiard Championships—so you are now warmly invited to join us on ESPN Classic for our highlight show.
[Yours truly, highly annoyed, searches for the TV remote controls and switches to ESPN Classic]
Cliff: Warm welcome everybody, I’m Cliff Drysdale, Patrick McEnroe along side. We’ve had a sensational week of tennis here in Indian Wells. Without a doubt, the story of the tournament was Igor Andreev, who had to play absolutely spectacularly to beat world no. 3, former U.S. Open champion, two-time Wimbledon runner up, and holder of 20 ATP tour titles, Andy Roddick.
Patrick McEnroe: Well, that was a shocker Cliff. I don’t know if it was the story of the tournament—
Cliff: Let’s take a look at some highlights from Roddick’s first two matches, which Roddick won in a very convincing manner.
Patrick: Actually, Cliff, I think we’re cued up to watch the highlights from Andre Agassi’s matches first.
Cliff: Oh, sorry PMac. Of course, Andre Agassi came into the tournament as the no. 2 American player in the world, behind Andy Roddick.
Patrick: Agassi struggled against American Paul Goldstein in his first match. He actually got a code violation for smashing a racquet during the second set. And then during the third set, there was a little controversy when Agassi became concerned about the slipperiness of the court. He wanted play to be suspended, but both the umpire and the tournament director, Gerry Armstrong, checked the courts and made the decision that the courts were not a danger to the players…
[YT, talking to the TV: Pff. Concerned about the slipperiness? More like, concerned about losing to the 63rd ranked player in the world.]
Patrick: …after Goldstein slipped they did stop play for a few minutes. After they came back, it was all Agassi.
[YT: Goldstein wasn’t even touching the line when he slipped! Agassi just used it as a time out so he could regain his composure.]
Patrick: Agassi then took on an in form Tommy Haas. He’s been having a great year, has Haas, already winning two titles. And he’s only lost two matches on the season: two to Federer and one to Richard Gasquet in a tight Davis Cup match.
Cliff: Well, PMac, don’t forget about that match in Kooyong against Roddick. I know it was just an exhibition match, but Roddick beat him convincingly…
[YT picks up the remote controls, intending to throw them at Cliff’s image on TV, but then thinks better of it]
Patrick: …as we take a look at Agassi sporting the sleeveless look. Agassi wasted set points in the first set, and after that Tommy Haas took control.
Cliff: Interestingly, Roddick has never worn a sleeveless shirt during a match, which I find strange because his physique--
Patrick: --Anyway, we were really looking forward to the match between Tommy Haas and James Blake, who has also won two titles this year. Unfortunately, Haas had food poisoning and he just wasn’t well enough to finish the match.
Cliff: And that really was a disappointment, PMac, because the winner of that match would have taken on Andy Roddick, if Roddick had won. Unfortunately, the no. 3 player in the world and Grand Slam champion Roddick shockingly lost to Igor Andreev in the fourth round.
Patrick: Right. Well, actually, David Nalbandian took over as the world no. 3 after this tournament, and Roddick is now no. 4. Let’s take a look at that match against Andreev. Roddick got broken early in the first set and then couldn’t get a sniff on Andreev’s serve for the whole first set and most of the second set. Roddick, clearly frustrated, actually got a warning from umpire Fergus Murphy for profanity during the second set. In the second set tiebreaker, he started to impose himself more, did Roddick, and look at this… THE DROPPER! to take the set.
Cliff: That really was some supreme artistry by Roddick on that shot.
[YT, unable to restrain herself any longer, flings the controls at the TV but fortunately misses]
Patrick: We thought Roddick would have the momentum going into the third set, and he actually did have 0-40 on Andreev’s first service game of the third set, but he couldn’t convert any of the break points, and it was all Andreev after that. And this set up a quarterfinal showdown with Blake.
Cliff: And Blake really didn’t have much trouble with the Russian, which you have to think, Patrick, is because Andreev was worn out from playing Roddick two days before.
[YT, having nothing left to throw at the TV, resigns herself to having to listen to Cliff’s ridiculous commentary]
Patrick: Well, I think that match meant a lot to James Blake because by winning it, he entered the top 10 for the first time. James Blake has really looked impressive over the last few months, but never more than against Rafael Nadal in the semis here. Nadal hadn’t dropped a set in any of his matches leading up to the semis, but James Blake delivered the Spaniard a shock, beating him soundly in two sets. That was really a great win for James.
Cliff: That’s absolutely true, PMac. I wonder if James’ good buddy Andy Roddick didn’t give him a few tips on how to beat Nadal, because as you may remember, Andy did defeat Nadal at the U.S. Open in 2004.
Patrick: Well, actually James’ himself beat Nadal at the U.S. Open just last year. He seems to be one of the only guys that knows how to beat Nadal. But it was a different story against Roger Federer, the master, in the final. Roger Federer struggled a little bit in the early rounds, actually losing a set to Olivier Rochus, the diminutive Belgian, in the third round. But Federer found his form against Richard Gasquet in the forth round, and just steam-rolled Ivan Ljubicic in quarterfinals.
Cliff: That really was an impressive win for Federer, because Ljubicic, along with guys like Tommy Haas and Andy Roddick, has been one of the hottest players on tour this year.
Patrick: That’s right, Cliff. And then in the semifinals, Federer met the Thai fighter Paradorn Srichaphan. He’s been having a bit of a comeback, has Srichaphan. He credits some of his success this week to his time spent as a Buddhist monk during the off-season. But not even meditation could help Srichaphan beat Federer, who breezed into the finals.
Cliff: Some of you may remember, if you’ve been with us for the last few months, that Andy Roddick beat Srichaphan en route to winning the title in Washington in August.
Patrick: James Blake really took it to Federer at the beginning of the first set of the final. He was actually up two breaks, was Blake. But as always, Federer was able to raise a game to another level and he ended up winning the first set. I think James had a bit of a letdown and that allowed Federer to dominate the next two sets. Final score: 7-5, 6-3, 6-0 for the no. 1.
Patrick: So that wraps up the men’s tournament. Cliff, I’ll turn it over to you and Mary Jo.
Mary Jo: Thanks Patrick. Well, the women’s draw was missing a few of the top players…
[YT: A few? Ten of the top fifteen!]
Mary Jo: …including world no. 1 Kim Clijsters and Australian Open champion Amelie Mauresmo. But it still had some quality players in Justine Henin-Hardenne, Lindsay Davenport, Maria Sharapova, Elena Dementieva, and Martina Hingis. Lindsay Davenport was seeded no. 2 and unluckily for her, she drew Martina Hingis in the fourth round. These two have a long rivalry, with Davenport leading the head to head, but Martina Hingis was the better player in this match, winning in three sets. This was really a big win for Martina in her comeback. Unfortunately for Davenport, she aggravated her back and she won’t be playing in Miami this week.
Cliff: That is a pity, Mary Jo. Lindsay is the top American on the women’s side, and there really aren’t too many promising young Americans following her. That is unlike the men’s tour, where Andy Roddick leads a pack of young Americans.
Mary Jo: Hingis won her quarterfinal match over Dinara Safina, Marat’s little sister, setting up a meeting with Maria Sharapova. This was the third meeting between these two this year. They split the previous two encounters. This time, Sharapova really imposed her power and Hingis couldn’t do much out there.
Cliff: Yes, Sharapova really did play like a champion. She reminds me a little of Andy Roddick, with her powerful serve and ground game, and her good attitude on court…
[YT: I don’t get why everyone says Maria Sharapova has a good attitude on court. Sure, she’s really intense when she’s winning. She’ll scream "Come on!" when she hits a winner while up 6-1, 4-0. But when she’s losing, she’s pouty and looks to be on the verge of tears.]
Mary Jo: In the other semifinal, it was Justine Henin-Hardenne against Elena Dementieva. Henin looked to be in complete control of the match at 6-2, 5-2, but Dementieva stepped it up a notch, and Henin started to choke a little bit. Dementieva ended up winning the match in three tight sets.
Cliff: You know Mary Jo, every time I watch Elena Dementieva play I'm still amazed that she can win, because her serve is just such a problem for her. She can’t win cheap points off it like, say, Andy Roddick.
Mary Jo: That’s true Cliff. And in an all-Russian final, Sharapova was able to expose that, breaking Dementieva numerous times. This was probably Sharapova’s biggest victory since winning the WTA Tour Championships in 2004.
[YT: Maria Sharapova can thank Justine Henin for this victory. If Henin had just closed out the match against Dementieva, she almost certainly would have beaten Shriekapova. Well, when everybody’s back next week in Miami, we’ll see what Sharapova's really made of.]
Cliff: And now we have something really special for you folks at home: a montage of Andy Roddick’s best shots of the tournament. Let me tell you, you don’t want to miss this…
[YT gets up to retrieve the controls, deciding that The World Trick-Shot Billiards Championship doesn’t sound so bad after all.]
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